


Shivers

by groaar



Series: Dysfunctional [3]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 04:56:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1845124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groaar/pseuds/groaar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders haunts Fenris dreams, forcing the elf to confront his feelings as well as his incapability of feeling...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shivers

_Entangled limbs entwined in soft bedding. Eager hands boldly exploring hot skin, roaming over muscles tensed up in excitement. The taste of sweat on his tongue. Breathless whispers. Feverish cries. The heat building ever stronger, gathering, threatening to explode in uncontrollable release._

Fenris’ eyes shot open with a stifled gasp. The dream was rapidly dissolving into the blackness of the room. However, it still lingered in his mind, leaving the elf struggling to catch his breath, soaked with sweat and with a not so discreet cry for attention in his lower regions. One he was determined to ignore.

The warrior ran a hand through his silverish hair, the lyrium tattoos glowing ever so faintly in the otherwise suffocatingly dark room. And, as he lay quietly in bed, staring up at what he knew was a cobweb covered stone ceiling only temporarily hidden by the impenetrable gloom of night, he realised it would be easier to accept it all. There was unarguably some attraction; a warped desire fuelled by lust that lay beyond his control.

He did not approve of it, however, of his own body’s distraught desires, but there was little the elf could do except letting it run its course. Perhaps his curiosity could be appeased if the right opportunity would present itself, but even if it did Fenris would not take it. This was punishment. Punishment for giving in to his selfish, perverted lust all those nights ago, repayment for his indecent thoughts back in the healer’s clinic. He should have known better than give in to pleasure. He had been taught not to.

Let the mage hound his sleep, Fenris thought bitterly. Let him come and let him try. Fenris would not give in to this sick urge, would not allow himself even the tiniest relief, not even on the nights he woke up burning with lust, feeling as if he’d go mad with craving for the other’s body. Fenris would not let the mage win.

That his desires stubbornly insisted to manifest themselves through the mage was, without doubt, immensely annoying. Although Fenris was well aware of that no one had control over who they were attracted to, he could not help but feel like life was spitting insults at him when he night after night was forced to submit to the healer, even if it only took place in his dreams. It was magic that had carved the deep wounds in his soul, and he could not help but find it tantalizing that his mind would find pleasure in the same wicked magic.

A hollow laugh rang through the sparsely decorated room. It was an empty, scorning sound and the elf did not at first realise it was he who had produced it. He shook his head, his hair fluttering softly as his head moved slowly from left to right and back again. He was truly pathetic. It almost sounded like he blamed the mage for all that was happening when it was his own weakness that lay at fault. Lust - a trap of both mind and body that he should have known better than to walk straight into.

He felt a shiver run through his body, momentarily distracting him from his troubled thoughts. The room was unusually cold. Low temperatures did seldom bother Fenris, now though, it suddenly chilled him to the bone. He tried curling up into a ball, pulling the cover up to his chin and tucking it tightly around him. Still he shook with cold.

Alone in his bed there was no source of warmth to be found.

Green eyes stared out at a room they couldn’t see, wistfully, longing for a permanent cure to the chill of loneliness.

With a heavy sigh the elf resigned to his fate. His hands were those of a killer, his fingers had ripped the life of many innocent away. Such hands could not caress, not warm and not care. And a mind ravaged by rage and fear and starved of all else... How could such a mind ever know love?  

The answer stared him right in the face, like it was written with paint so bright it shone through even the icy dimness of the mansion. Fenris closed his eyes in an attempt to shut it out, but the truth could not be concealed by such simple means. Perhaps it was hidden from sight, but it was not erased from his psyche.

The dreams did, in their own sick way, offer Fenris temporary bliss, but they were also a nightly torture; an agonizing reminder of what he could never have.

Slowly, mercilessly, the night tightened its grip on the elf, making him painfully aware of just how real and oppressive his solitude was. The infinite darkness of the room was suddenly extremely heavy. It seemed to be pressing down on him, squeezing him, constraining his breathing. The cold, too, was unbearable, digging ever deeper within him.

It was driving him mad.

The elf clutched his arms around himself, pulling his knees closer to his chest, curling up even more. He lay like that, huddling in the cold, alone and desperately waiting for morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I woke up in the middle of the night, and had the worst migraine I've had in a long time... I thought I'd throw up and still I couldn't will my body to get out of bed because of the pounding in my head. 
> 
> Well, as I lay there wondering whether it is possible for your eyeball to explode as a result of headache I distracted myself by thinking up this story, and this is just a result of a sleepless night...  
> Fenris is not good with feelings, I think, I just can't see him having had a chance to ever really explore them before.
> 
> I know the story isn't really moving forward, but I just write whatever comes to mind so... yeah, this is just how it will be...


End file.
